Quotes of the Day

(from the collected sayings of Lazarus Long):

“Always store beer in a dark place.”

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.”

“Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.”

“A ‘practical joker’ deserves applause for his wit according to its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.”

“Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.”

“Don’t try to have the last word — you might get it.”

“Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth — but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.”

“Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other ‘sins’ are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful — just stupid).”

“The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: ‘Of course it is none of my business, but –’ is to place a period after the word ‘but.’ Don’t use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother’s side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.”

“To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Yield to Temptation … it may not pass your way again.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Never try to outstubborn a cat.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Small change can often be found under seat cushions.”

“$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.”

“‘Rights’ is a fictional abstraction. No one has ‘Rights’, neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons… have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.”

“You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don’t ever count on having both at once.”

“Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another — but which one? Differences are crucial.”

“A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.”

“Never appeal to a man’s ‘better nature.’ He may not have one.Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.”

“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
(Time Enough for Love)

“Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.”